Anything, but

 I find myself locked into a correspondence for hours, crafting eloquent sentences and well-timed jokes. I find myself writing 1,500 words in an email. I find myself blogging. I find myself unwilling to write a novel. I find myself playing videogames. I've found myself in the bathroom on Instagram. My fiance has found me there as well. I'm finding myself to be a bit of a lazy son of a bitch. I'm finding out that whatever this is is something that needs to be addressed. I will find out soon enough that this is a serious problem. I've been finding more and more of myself in my blog. Finding out I am who I write about is terrifying. I am the subject of the hate. I must find a solution before the problem finds me. I must search for meaning. it must be found. 


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