One hour isn't enough time for anything, is it? It doesn't feel like it. Not to me, anyways. I look at the clock and it reads 10:01pm. At 11:00pm, it's bed time. In-the-bed time, not sleeping necessarily. Less than an hour to do anything. There's lots to do; reading, studying, gaming, writing. All four sound good, all four entice me. But I am only one man, and I can only do one at a time.
That's a lie; thanks to Speechify (#sponsorme) and Youtube (#ihateads), I can study and game at the same time. That's the only crossover. That's a bummer. If I could read my book and play my game and write my story with only one processor, I would. Hell, it would save a ton of time in a multifaceted way. I wouldn't have to choose, and I wouldn't have to take my time choosing. It would just be, and I would just do it all.
Why does choosing take so much time? It's 10:09 now, and the clock moves in perpetual motion. Less time than before, yet no action has been made. If I picked one, what would it look like? Well, if I read, I'd have to turn the lights on and find where I was. (Page 78, top of the chapter. They just got to Chihuahua City via donkey and jailers chains.) It takes no time to get into it. Just read the lines as they come, and focus on the reading. No colours, not super engaging immediately, but I never feel bad after reading. I can bang out a chapter or two or three in the time. What about gaming? Press and hold the middle X button, angle the television remote to get the screen on, and wait to load in. But wait; within the console, there are choices. I have a dozen games downloaded, all of which I want to play. Silent Hill, Baldurs Gate, Battlefield. Day-Z has been my latest obsession. (I promise bro, this paragraph will end, just hang on) Another phase of running around Chernarus finding people to get killed by. I did that today already while studying. The rest seem equally fun. Choosing the game would take as much time as it would to choose TO game. Longer than I want. It's 10:13. Just about three quarters of an hour left for free time, and we still haven't discussed the other options. The next is studying. Simple set up, same as reading. Sit down, lights on, start reading. Flipping through chapters of the book, finding definitions for terms like "subrogate" and "annuity" or "financial illiteracy." Easy, and lots to skim. But that's no fun; it's 10:15pm; I don't want to do that! All I have is 45 minutes left in my day before bed time. Writing setup is easy; open the laptop, read the last thing and start going. Thinking of the first sentence can take a while. After that is cruising. I'll sit there for a decade looking for a good word to use. No, that's a lie. I'll just vibe and write. Like I'm doing now. It's easy; they're all easy.
And that's the problem. All of these things take about the same amount of setup and are equally interesting to me, so instead of picking one and being happy in my choice, I mull my options over until tomorrow comes and there's no time to do it. And by the time I have half an hour left, do you know what I end up choosing? You'll never guess.
Fucking Instagram. Reels, specifically, for the next half hour or more. I might even say 'screw it' and scroll for an extra ten minutes and lose track of time. Then, I'll go use the bathroom before I lay down and I'll get stuck on the toilet looking at videos of people cooking meals I'll never make or driving cars I'll never drive in places I'll never go. And I'll eat that shit up until I get told to come to bed. It's ridiculous.
I look at myself and my hours passed and think about it. Why can't I choose something I want to do, and instead spend equal or more time on something so trivial and meaningless? Why is that the default setting? If no decision is made, the decision will be made to scroll for a long time. Imagine getting lost in something I like doing instead! IMAGINE!
I think I know where the problem starts. It's the initial choice. The inability to make a choice leads to this issue. This dopamine drooling, goonscrolling, buttmaxxing, doublechinning, crosseyed, half-chubbed, roof-of-mouth-tonguing, behaviour comes from the inability to think with best intent.
Hey Chase, stop looking at the phone and pick something you actually like! Just fucking write!
Do you know what my solution was today?
No, what's that?
I wrote this blog. I wrote, but I wrote something else than I wanted to.
Cool, at least you wrote.
Damn straight, now I'm gonna write the real shit. I still have 27 Minutes! (It's 10:33)
Good luck, you indecisive, self-obsessed, shit-posting, blog-having, seltzer water-sipping, headass boah.
++
Good night, everyone.
Make a choice.
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